A Woman Scorn
Quick Blog before I go to bed..
So I'm talking with the Netherlands guy,we are chatting casually.. I've got sooo much on my mind probably not a good time to be talkign to him. Some how, some way, he asks me what I want out of a man.. My answer after contemplating for a minute or 6 is "Security, Honesty, and Sex". His reply was "the right 'man' can and will give you all 3.... the wrong one will not, either 1 or 2 of the 3 but not all 3". So doesn't that just sum it all up?
So what I need is a better plan and better handcuffs..
a Woman ScornCrest Whitestrips day 3.. still nto seeing the difference.
So do I know what I really want?
So maybe I Don't really know what I want out of a man. Sometiems I feel like I could have a man around alot mroe often, but soemtiems I think that if there was one around all the time I would get annoyed. I let a wall down, and I'm starting to regret it, I did it too soon, with someone that I didn't know well enough. Have yoru own life, but can you at least let me feel like I mean something in your life? Well let's start counting how many strikes they all have. ALl what am i talking about, there's only 1 that I am seeing.. and am i really seeing him, or did we just have casual good sex? O well, he has 2 strikes against him now, and he probabaly doesn't even know it.
Where do you buy a chstity belt at anyway? Someone tell me so that I stop sleeping with these useless men.
So there I was.. walking around the mall, I had already bought what I went in there for, and I was just checking out other stuff that I couldn't afford. Perusing a Kiosk for Tub Armor, cause I need to redo my Master bathroom, and dont hav a clue where to start. The salesperson, or shoud we call him the Installer, cause he wasn't dressed or even looked like the typical salseperson, and says to me "Can I help you?" the typical question where your looking at stuff in the mall. I am thinking he was hitting on me, but was he just trying to sell me the tub, as we discussed my situation about my bathroom, he suggests coming over and giving me an estimate on what kidn of work he can do within my budget. So we set up an appointment, I didn't mention that I live alone, I just said that I would be awake at 8am, since I work nights. I cant tell all the strangers in the world that I live alone, I watch too much CSI for that,hehe. He was attractive, and had a really ncie smile, I'd say he was about my age, maybe even younger, and had no weddign ring on. He smiled alot while we talked. Who knows, I better clean my house before he comes over, but I have a whole week till the appointment.
I'm going to close this post to say that men are useless, and they are around to make the Woman feel more usueless.
Is there a Mister RIght? or do we settle for Mister Right now?
Going on 2 a hour nap, I spend 2 hours getting ready to go run errands, pay bills,go to the store, all for what? Because some where, some one told me "You Never know where you will meet Mister RIght, so you must look your best even if your going to the store." Am I really doing it for Mister Right or Mister RIght Now? And seriously will I meet him at Wal-mart? Will I meet him at Home Depot, lord knows I've spent numerous hours in the lighting section checking out a cute Hispanic that works there. He asks if I need help about 5 times every time I am there, but does he realize he sees me about every weekend there at the same time, looking at the same lights with nothing in my hands to buy. And while I browse the mall to replenish on my mascara, am I really browsing for stuff to buy, or am I browsing for Mister Right? Most of the guys that work in the malls work for minimun wage and are usually too young for me anyway.
So here I go off to shop and spend money, so I don't feel so unimportant, and useless. Will I find Mister Right today, doutful, since I most men say nothign more than "Can I Help you?". What if I answered with a "Marry me so I don't feel so unimportant in this world." What would they do? More than likely Reject me for coming on so strong.
Who thought of this Holiday anyway!
Well it's Valentine's Day, well it started about 5 hours ago Alaska time. I just got home from work,I plan on sleeping all day, I think. I was driving into work today and heard the DJ lady say something so sweet and sentimental, it fucking made me cry, Stupid Bitch! Does she not realize that there are so many people out there with NOBODY! I get to come home to my crying cat and snuggle with him, not that he doesn't love me back, cause he does. But FUCK this Holiday! And FUCK all those happy couples.
Do I start off with the good news or the bad news?
Well for starters.. The Alcoholic..Well he called me twice saying that he was depressed and drinking. WTF? Hello your an alcoholic..He already knew that I didn't like him drinking so I don't know he felt compelled to tell me.
I bought this book (
He's Just not into you)threw Amazon, referred by Belle and a friend from work, and in it says to tell the truth, and not play games. So the Alcoholic calls and leaves me a message saying that I'm trying to avoid him cause I didn't call him back after 1 day. He knows I work nights,but I guess he was expecting me call him everyday since we had sex. grr..
So I call him back while on break at work, and tell him the truth. It's just not going to work out, for 1 your an Alcoholic, and for 2 you don't understand where I'm coming from when I say I don't want a relationship, and for 3 your just way too immature for me, Its basically just not going to work. No games no guessing, just straight and to the point. He asks for me to at least give him a chance, and he explains that he crys at night cause he has Nobody to come home to, or Nobody he can call to talk to about how bad his day has gone. Uuummm.. Hello you just described my life and lots of people's lives, but guess what Alcoholic,I don't like you enough right now to actually care about your life. Well you would think after telling him the truth and the facts that he would give up, but nooooo.. He calls back and leaves another sappy message on my phone, and then calls the next day to just talk and tell me that he is working again. WTF? The truth and the facts didn't help..
um... More bad news to ruin a fucking stupid holiday.. The EX .... He calls and leaves a message saying that he isn't ready to have dinner with me, he would rather do a movie.. You know I'm not sure how to respond to it,I just called back and left him a message saying, I was thankful for the truth, without the guess work,and that I still had stuff at his place that I would like to get, and basically I just told him that since he doesn't want to see me,just a quick reminder I still have belongings of mine at his place, so eventually we or I will need to contact him. But basically I don't know how to respond to him anymore.. Let him go.. That's what I need to do, but sorry if I spent 6 years loving him and giving him my all, the best years of my life..
well the best thing about the day was that I let a wall down, I asked a man to stay the night with me, I told him that it was a big step for me, but I don't think he realizes how big of a step, yep you guessed it the Netherlands guy, we talked online for hours and he came over after he got off work, so I had to stay awake until then, not that it was hard to stay awake, cause I was soo excited about him coming over.
this time was jsut incredible as the first, the sex is only going to get better i think, this time we were more into each other i think anyway.. i hope.. thats basically all i can do is hope that he is more into me each time, did i mention he has a tongue ring? i know i did, i want to describe his kiss, this is not the first tiem i've kissed someone with a tongue ring, but he does it in a way that is sooo magical..
he tilts his head to perfectly align his lips and mouth with mine, his hands wander all over my body threw my hair the entire time he kisses me. Ocassionally i open my eyes and see him staring at me as if he can see threw my soul, he has the softest most tender lips when they touch mine, ive never felt kisses like his, i moan from the heat and the passion that passes threw me when he kisses me, its as if our tongues are having sex inside our mouths, and rarely, very rarely does the tongue ring hit our teeth, but i will say its an exhilirating feeling to feel my tongue rub against his piercing.. jsut thinking about makes me want his lips on mine...
Later that same day.. we wake up at 6pmish.. i have to work at 9pm, i open my eyes to see him looking at me.. i coudl tell he didnt sleep well, i didnt either really, not sure why really, jsut felt wierd i guess on both our parts, but then again im not sure how many woman he has actually spent the night with, but he will be the 2nd man since i have broken it off with uumm.. you know who...and the other was my boss from work, and then i was jsut so plum tuckered out from all the good sex, that i did sleep good
Well im hoping that i get to spend more tiem with him,we have talked a couple times at work now, he seems to be getting more comfortable around me in public, he still looks down at the floor alot, jsut shy? or embarressed? nto sure really..
Well thats all i'm going to say for now.. im really exhausted need to catch up on my sleep.
my true love
dark elf
Internet Dating a DO or a DON'T??
So in my last Blog I mentioned the VMS guy, well we will call him Netherlands Man, cause that's where he is from.I guess I missed that part when we were trying to get to know each other.Seemed when I mentioned meeting outside of work, he says "umm... well I'm kinda seeing someone since I sent you that first message", so I sit there dumb founded.. not sure what to say back. Technically thats not what I asked at all, he's not married, technically he's still single right? Well as I get to know him more, he tells me that he has met 4 woman threw online stuff, and one of them was his former wife? Is that not wierd or is it just me? So anyway.. as me and the Netherlands man get to know each other we talk about most everything.. but for soem reason every thing we talk bout usually ends up talking about sex, is it because Im horny, or is it cause he's a man, hehe. So the point of dating is what?
Dinner, Movies, maybe some drinks, and chit chat to get to know each other.. right?
So what do I do with this guy? I skipped all that stuff,and jumped into bed with him! WHAT THE HELL!! All I can say is I'm a damn Slut! Belle invent something to clamp my legs closed! well anyway.. the Sex was AMAZING!, did you get that just frakking fabulous, did I mention he has a Tongue ring, O YEAH!! seemed wierd to kiss him, but got used to it, he wore me out, or was I jsut tired from a long day at work?
So what do I do now? He did call the next day too if your curious,and has talked to me online a couple times since.But where will it go, who knows, but at least we got the sex outta the way.
My married man has called me twice this weekend,I think it mainly to see I will play the game with him,I mentioned him coming to see me,and I got a "I Don't know".. grrr
I talked to the Ex today, I asked him if we still had a chance.. and he gave me an "I Don't know". Damn these MEN.. What the Fuck is "I DON"T KNOW"
Sleeping alone again.
Well time passes and I am still single and sexless. The married man with the 3 kids hasn't come over in about 2 weeks, and then he only came over for about 15 minutes. He was so pale and tired I felt bad but happy that he came over. He said he came over cause I complained that he never visited me and I could tell if we were to have sex something would go wrong, so I started out just cuddling with him, and he cuddled right back, it felt so nice to have his hands on me. Well I noticed that as I got closer to him and my leg showing and rubbing on him was making his manly hood stand to attention, probably didn't help that my breasts were coming out of my robe, that was loosely tied (ok I did that purposely). So I decided to just give him oral sex, he even warned me to stop, but for some reason I didn't want to, and let him finish. I told him that I wanted to show him how much I appreciated him coming to visit me, and that I don't treat all my visitors that way. He explained that it had been a long time for him, and that I do such a good job he couldn't hold back. Alas he is married and not leaving his wife and family anytime soon, not that that would be a good thing, but I can't help but want him when I see him.
Well I since it had been so long since I had gotten to spend time with my married man, I decided to give old fling a chance to weasel his way back into my life. Have I mentioned this guy before? He's 31, 1 kid, no girlfriend or wife, he was recently living with his parents about 25 miles away from me, and he is a alcoholic, I say alcoholic cause he has had his drivers license suspended for too many DWI's, and he's going threw the courts to get it all back, we will call this guy umm.... Alcoholic.. Yeah that's the nicest way to describe how I am feeling about him right now. Well since he has no license and I kind of needed to get laid, I decided to let him stay the night, since I knew that I wouldn't want to take him home really late at night, I hate to drive. I cant believe the first man I let sleep in my bed is him. We ordered Chinese food and watched TV, had sex twice, he came both times, tried his damndest to make me chum, but I guess I just wasn't into it, cause no matter what he did it wasn't going to happen. I explain to him that I am involved with other people and that I mainly use them for sex, but that I had wanted more from the married man, but could only have the sex. The alcoholic was talking most of the night about the same thing, how he plans to do this with his life and change this, and stop drinking and partying, and take care of things to get his life straightened out. I mean seriously, he's 32 got a kid, just got off 3rd party with his parents, and he's just now thinkign what he wants to do with his life. I mean seriously what does this guy think he can offer me? You know what he offered me.. let him and his friend move in with me, then we move out and get a bigger place. I had told him that I wasn't ready for a relationship and there he is thinking about our future together. grrr...
Can you believe the Alcoholic called me everyday after that for the next 3 days until I went off on him. He called me one day and left a message that he felt like having sex. EXSCUSE me but when did I say that I wanted him as a booty call? And one message he left he was at the bar having drinks with his buddies and he had like 6 missed calls, was wondering if one of them was me, sheesh, I know he has caller ID, shit, I know this cause he calls my home phone number, stupid me for calling him from my home phone. I dated him like 7 or more years ago, what the HELL did I see in him then? I can barely understand things he says cause of his lisp or his messed up teeth, or something, I'm not sure, but half of what he says I have to have him repeat. Grrrr....
At least the Korean realizes what I meant when I said that I didn't want a relationship and he calls and at least asks if I want some company, doesn't just straight up ask for SEX. I haven't brought myself to resorting to the Korean since the last time, I figured if it was that bad after the 2nd time it would just get worse.
Someone needs to make a trap for my legs so I can keep them shut.. even to myself!
My most peculiar Mademoiselle (Belle) has suggested I resort to just dating Monkeys. I would have less drama with them, but I explained that I have not had the proper training on monkeys. I think that's what they have reserved Chapter 4 for.
But Alas I have some good news! With all my failed attempts to meeting men, the same way I met the Korean, online, I met someone else. We will call him VMS, I will explain later why I call him that. I check my Yahoo Personals mail daily, and one day I get a message from someone that looks pretty attractive and he E-Mails me back on my real E-Mail address and tells me where he works. Turns out that he is one of the guys I check out on a daily basis at work! OMG he has a nice butt! O and he has a nice smile too. A week went by with 2 E-Mails back and forth till I let him on the fact that we work together, and we see each other everyday. We have been chatting online now for 2 weeks, we are pretty busy at work so we barely speak, we don't actually work together we basically pass each other in the halls. If we speak its brief and professional, but I will say that I smile bigger and he smiles more. Makes me wonder since it won't be a blind date, when will he ask for my number or ask me out? Or Do I ask him? Did I make the first step by telling him that we work together? I did speak to him first at work, I had to clarify if it was really him, so I asked him one day as he passed if he had a tongue ring, it was completely out of the blue, and he does WOOHOO!! Well I guess if we take it slow it can only be a good thing, he sure is cute and so far he can make me laugh and smile. And damn it he has a nice ass!
I still miss my EX. We are supposed to do something on Valentines day, I told him that I wanted to make him dinner, but I have a feeling that he is going to cancel on me.
